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riotheclownMy current position in the top live journals is 4,172. How should I feel about this?
I mean, really.
Like is that good or bad? Is it something I can tell my grandkids someday? Is it what I will think of when I am dying? Does it mean I am not liked, or read or read a little bit or liked a little bit? Should I ask other people what their position is and then try to figure out why they are a larger or smaller number?
should I try not to think about it?
Why are they telling me this? Do they want me to try harder to get a better position? Can they sell me a course in how to do that? Is that why, to make money? Are they telling me to forget about journaling, but that doesn't make any sense...
I don't even know why I do it. When I post something that I think is really creative and no one comments I feel like killing myself. When I post something about cancer or depression and people say nice things to cheer me up I feel like killing myself. When I feel like killing myself I don't write about it because I don't want anyone to feel bad, just in case they read it. Also if I did and no one said anything I might feel worse. FOUR THOUSAND AND ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO. I will make a t-shirt and wear it. No one will ask me what it means, or if they do I will give them the link to this entry and maybe the number will get better...
I mean, really.
Like is that good or bad? Is it something I can tell my grandkids someday? Is it what I will think of when I am dying? Does it mean I am not liked, or read or read a little bit or liked a little bit? Should I ask other people what their position is and then try to figure out why they are a larger or smaller number?
should I try not to think about it?
Why are they telling me this? Do they want me to try harder to get a better position? Can they sell me a course in how to do that? Is that why, to make money? Are they telling me to forget about journaling, but that doesn't make any sense...
I don't even know why I do it. When I post something that I think is really creative and no one comments I feel like killing myself. When I post something about cancer or depression and people say nice things to cheer me up I feel like killing myself. When I feel like killing myself I don't write about it because I don't want anyone to feel bad, just in case they read it. Also if I did and no one said anything I might feel worse. FOUR THOUSAND AND ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO. I will make a t-shirt and wear it. No one will ask me what it means, or if they do I will give them the link to this entry and maybe the number will get better...
