Funny Names
May. 6th, 2014 08:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
riotheclownOne of my favourite blogs is The Blog of Funny Names.
In honour of their poll, Time to Vote! TBOFN 2nd Annual Funniest Names in the NFL Draft Poll, I am posting my short story about funny names. I love funny names. I have a horrible inability to remember people's names. If you have a unique name there is a chance I might remember it, hence my love of funny ones.
This was originally posted for Brigit's Flame. Check them out! Join! It's a great place to get inspiration.
By any other name
She got hired! It was an office full of good looking people, purely by co-incidence. Of course they were highly qualified and skilled at their jobs. The only detractor to what would appear to be a bunch of superior office workers was that they all had funny names. They were the sorts of names that could get a kid bullied and draw snickers in a less welcoming office.
For example: Her bosses name was Peter Dickey. He was truly the most beautiful man over 50 that she had ever met. He was like a George Clooney without insincerity. Peter Dickey oozed sincerity. And he had the most gorgeous voice. For the first three days of meetings she was mezmerised everytime he spoke.
“Don’t worry; the effect of his benevolent beauty will wear off soon. Most of the women here and some of the men had this experience. You will simply adjust and it will no longer affect you. I can only wonder about the woman who had the good fortune to call him son. It must have pained her to have to wean him from her breast”, Umu, the woman in the cubicle across from her said. She smiled in a way that made it clear she was joking. Umu was beautiful. Her skin shone like polished ebony; her accent, more a choice of words than any slanted version of them, was charming. She was warm without being familiar and was as calm and as quick as a cobra. Her full name was Umu Mumu. Ms. Owen choked on her coffee when she read the name plate on Umu’s cubicle wall.
“Ethiopia, if you were wondering where I am from.”
“Oh, no, I mean, yeah, I figured East Africa. My grandfather was from Tunisia. You have a lovely accent.”
“It’s is you who have the accent, and odd choice of synapse.” She smiled a pearly white smile and winked.
Sing Song, the tech support person walked by and gave them a wave.
“Umm, Umu, have you noticed that all the people working here are extremely attractive?”
“I am not looking in this fashion, however, everyone here is very healthy, strong, hard working and qualified.”
“Okay, well, don’t you think some of the people’s names are funny?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Peter for example.”
Umu held up her long supple arms, palms facing the ceiling in an expression that conveyed, you’ve lost me, or I give up, or what’s the joke?
“Never mind”, Ms. Owen said and she went back to reviewing the reports that would be due later in the week.
She had met Harry Wanker, Anita Hoare, Haywood Jablome and Abbie Birday. Later that day she was introduced to: Hank Erchif, Harris Gray and Pat Butt.
When she got home she pondered whether she should try to tell her husband about all the attractive people with odd names at her new office. Her husband’s name was Allyson. Ms. Owen knew it was a tricky business talking about funny names. He was tortured as a child for having a girl’s name. He would tell people his name was Ali like Mohamed and they would make even more fun of him because he wasn’t black and as far from being a boxer as, well, as she was.
She couldn’t help it. She thought she would explode if she didn't talk about it to someone. So when he asked her how it was going at her new job she said, "Everyone in the office has a funny name." She didn't tell him that they were also gorgeous. That was Allyson’s other sensitivity; he thought he was ugly. He was a smallish man and he was very skinny. He was going bald and he wasn’t yet thirty. He had a Welsh accent that got thicker when he was upset. He'd been bullied as a child and still took abuse when they visited his family in Wales. Sometimes he was jealous of other men because for some reason he thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world and therefore every man would be try to steal her from him. For the most part she felt he understood that "No one can steal my love. I am a tigress! I decided on you and you are stuck with me!"
She loved him so much. People, including her family would say, “What do you see in him?” When she asked him to marry him and he said yes it was the second happiest day of her life, the happiest being the day she took his last name Owen. “It was as if I was incomplete before.” She would tell people. It wasn't very Feminist of her but it was how she felt.
“So what you are saying is you find it hilarious, all these funny names?” Allyson narrowed his squinty eyes from behind his thick glasses accusingly.
“No! Oh Allyson! I just find it odd . There’s not a normal name in the bunch, well except for me. Even with my mixed race I ended up being the only un-funny name in that office.”
“Well, your first name is a bit out of the ordinary…”
“You know the story, my mom picked it; it’s Indian, like the dish. Dad and her were eating a lot of curry around the time I was conceieved.”
“Well didn’t you get picked on for it as a child?”
“I guess. I never really minded. I was a happy kid. I was always quite fearless, like I am now!”
“I wish I knew you when you were a little girl. I just have the feeling I would have loved you even then. I must be the luckiest guy in the world! You saved me when you married me, you know that Arhar?”
Arhar Owen smiled. "No, I am the luckiest. You made me the woman I am today."
J
Note: In defense of this rather silly story, I have often wondered what effect a name has on a persons development, at least until they can change it. There is the thing of being considered beautiful. i have taken these two very interesting ponderances and gone south with them, because I am an idiot and couldn't think of anything not depressing for the prompt. If you misspell my given name it becomes "Dense".
I did in fact have a boss once, named Peter Dickey, a co-worker named Umu and another named Song Sing, and yes they were all extremely good looking, likeable and good at their jobs.
In honour of their poll, Time to Vote! TBOFN 2nd Annual Funniest Names in the NFL Draft Poll, I am posting my short story about funny names. I love funny names. I have a horrible inability to remember people's names. If you have a unique name there is a chance I might remember it, hence my love of funny ones.
This was originally posted for Brigit's Flame. Check them out! Join! It's a great place to get inspiration.
By any other name
She got hired! It was an office full of good looking people, purely by co-incidence. Of course they were highly qualified and skilled at their jobs. The only detractor to what would appear to be a bunch of superior office workers was that they all had funny names. They were the sorts of names that could get a kid bullied and draw snickers in a less welcoming office.
For example: Her bosses name was Peter Dickey. He was truly the most beautiful man over 50 that she had ever met. He was like a George Clooney without insincerity. Peter Dickey oozed sincerity. And he had the most gorgeous voice. For the first three days of meetings she was mezmerised everytime he spoke.
“Don’t worry; the effect of his benevolent beauty will wear off soon. Most of the women here and some of the men had this experience. You will simply adjust and it will no longer affect you. I can only wonder about the woman who had the good fortune to call him son. It must have pained her to have to wean him from her breast”, Umu, the woman in the cubicle across from her said. She smiled in a way that made it clear she was joking. Umu was beautiful. Her skin shone like polished ebony; her accent, more a choice of words than any slanted version of them, was charming. She was warm without being familiar and was as calm and as quick as a cobra. Her full name was Umu Mumu. Ms. Owen choked on her coffee when she read the name plate on Umu’s cubicle wall.
“Ethiopia, if you were wondering where I am from.”
“Oh, no, I mean, yeah, I figured East Africa. My grandfather was from Tunisia. You have a lovely accent.”
“It’s is you who have the accent, and odd choice of synapse.” She smiled a pearly white smile and winked.
Sing Song, the tech support person walked by and gave them a wave.
“Umm, Umu, have you noticed that all the people working here are extremely attractive?”
“I am not looking in this fashion, however, everyone here is very healthy, strong, hard working and qualified.”
“Okay, well, don’t you think some of the people’s names are funny?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Peter for example.”
Umu held up her long supple arms, palms facing the ceiling in an expression that conveyed, you’ve lost me, or I give up, or what’s the joke?
“Never mind”, Ms. Owen said and she went back to reviewing the reports that would be due later in the week.
She had met Harry Wanker, Anita Hoare, Haywood Jablome and Abbie Birday. Later that day she was introduced to: Hank Erchif, Harris Gray and Pat Butt.
When she got home she pondered whether she should try to tell her husband about all the attractive people with odd names at her new office. Her husband’s name was Allyson. Ms. Owen knew it was a tricky business talking about funny names. He was tortured as a child for having a girl’s name. He would tell people his name was Ali like Mohamed and they would make even more fun of him because he wasn’t black and as far from being a boxer as, well, as she was.
She couldn’t help it. She thought she would explode if she didn't talk about it to someone. So when he asked her how it was going at her new job she said, "Everyone in the office has a funny name." She didn't tell him that they were also gorgeous. That was Allyson’s other sensitivity; he thought he was ugly. He was a smallish man and he was very skinny. He was going bald and he wasn’t yet thirty. He had a Welsh accent that got thicker when he was upset. He'd been bullied as a child and still took abuse when they visited his family in Wales. Sometimes he was jealous of other men because for some reason he thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world and therefore every man would be try to steal her from him. For the most part she felt he understood that "No one can steal my love. I am a tigress! I decided on you and you are stuck with me!"
She loved him so much. People, including her family would say, “What do you see in him?” When she asked him to marry him and he said yes it was the second happiest day of her life, the happiest being the day she took his last name Owen. “It was as if I was incomplete before.” She would tell people. It wasn't very Feminist of her but it was how she felt.
“So what you are saying is you find it hilarious, all these funny names?” Allyson narrowed his squinty eyes from behind his thick glasses accusingly.
“No! Oh Allyson! I just find it odd . There’s not a normal name in the bunch, well except for me. Even with my mixed race I ended up being the only un-funny name in that office.”
“Well, your first name is a bit out of the ordinary…”
“You know the story, my mom picked it; it’s Indian, like the dish. Dad and her were eating a lot of curry around the time I was conceieved.”
“Well didn’t you get picked on for it as a child?”
“I guess. I never really minded. I was a happy kid. I was always quite fearless, like I am now!”
“I wish I knew you when you were a little girl. I just have the feeling I would have loved you even then. I must be the luckiest guy in the world! You saved me when you married me, you know that Arhar?”
Arhar Owen smiled. "No, I am the luckiest. You made me the woman I am today."
J
Note: In defense of this rather silly story, I have often wondered what effect a name has on a persons development, at least until they can change it. There is the thing of being considered beautiful. i have taken these two very interesting ponderances and gone south with them, because I am an idiot and couldn't think of anything not depressing for the prompt. If you misspell my given name it becomes "Dense".
I did in fact have a boss once, named Peter Dickey, a co-worker named Umu and another named Song Sing, and yes they were all extremely good looking, likeable and good at their jobs.
