Wasting Time

I am very nervous about wasting time. Being busy is a way of disappearing. It was a way as a child to avoid too much scrutiny or being given something to do that I didn't want to do. I think that is why I sit zazen. For a half hour or so every day I don't have to question what I am doing. Sometimes I feel as if I will explode, right there on the zafu. It is an amusing thought. It never happens. So I have to just continue to sit.

I don't know what to do.

I suppose I am busy not knowing.

Okay then. Well I guess that's that.