Brigit's Flame, wk 2, "Balance", 345 wds, warning, opera reference sorry!

[riotheclown]

 Widowed

Balance and Imbalance

 I turn the collar on the shirt I have just ironed and button it on the hanger. The dry warm smell of ironed cotton catches my breath and I swallow a lump in my throat.

 It's not my shirt. It has hung in my closet for over a year un-ironed.

 I like to listen to Mozart when I iron. Right now I am listening to “Don Giovanni”. I have no idea what the words mean, but I love to hear the tenor. I have gone crazy for opera. It’s like craving chocolate. It is probably equally bad for me. I have dripped tears onto the ironing board the whole time listening to it.

 I used to like R&B and Reggae. It was sexy to dance and clean. 

 I take another shirt from the closet and place it on the board. It was ironed but it has wrinkled from having been pushed so far back in the closet. As I spritz it with water, a faint reminder of his cologne rises and the iron hisses over it.  The fabric has held his aroma until now. It seems unfair that it is so intimate with him still.

 Giovanni is singing to a woman. Her voice is almost shrill. She is imploring him. He is mocking her. He is imploring her, she is mocking him. They sing together. The age old story; it is easy to understand even without knowing the language.

Soon I find there is nothing left to iron.

 Sitting on the bed I can see the careful balance of our clothes, his on the left and mine on the right. I wrap my arms around his clothes as they hang there, so carefully ironed and put away.

 The opera is at its finale. There are horns, solemn and definite. The refrain returns with violins and insistence. The horns say "it is over." The violins say, "Sad as it is, life goes on."

 I am placing his clothes in the box.

 The careful balance of my life is gone and I teeter on the edge.