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Brigit's Flame, Week one, November
Nov. 6th, 2014 08:07 amPrompt: Mania
Title: One True Moment
Author: Urb-banal
Word Count: 330
Warnings: foreshadowing domestic violence, pg
Mania
such a tiny word
written on plain paper by the
the one with the gun
I know all too well the pain that brought him here, it is a requirement of life as it is, the bible of HIM but still, we love and love and love until we cannot love anymore. I cannot love anymore and that fact has been piled on top of the pain that brought him here. He has made me face it, my failure, my lack of compassion, my selfishness compared to his love: His love is full of responsibility and that includes making me a better woman, a better person as far as that is possible...
I had my faults. He found them like water finds cracks in a foundation and then when winter comes, expands, and turns it into rubble.
Don't get me wrong, he knows he has problems, this mania that takes him is a problem, but he also knows there is no one who can help him, no one but me. I am the only one. I feel really calm right now. It's like all the tension has leaked out of the house and now there is only this. I feel slack but awake as if this is the one true moment of my life, the one where I finally understand.
He is telling me that this is the ONE TRUE MOMENT.
Sometimes I don't know if what I'm thinking is just what he is telling me. I started out the day thinking he was leaving but now I see he wants me with him, forever. It's the only way.
I ask him, "What about the children finding us...? (I won't say the word, I am a coward, I can't say it. He's going to make me say it, if not in words with my cold body.) Won't that damage them forever?" and I see my mistake. My terrible mistake...now I am praying that he will get out this state. I'm imploring him to come to bed with me but he can see my agenda. I'm not really here for him. My last thoughts are not for him but for the children.
He hates conniving, faithless bitches like me.
Title: One True Moment
Author: Urb-banal
Word Count: 330
Warnings: foreshadowing domestic violence, pg
Mania
such a tiny word
written on plain paper by the
the one with the gun
I know all too well the pain that brought him here, it is a requirement of life as it is, the bible of HIM but still, we love and love and love until we cannot love anymore. I cannot love anymore and that fact has been piled on top of the pain that brought him here. He has made me face it, my failure, my lack of compassion, my selfishness compared to his love: His love is full of responsibility and that includes making me a better woman, a better person as far as that is possible...
I had my faults. He found them like water finds cracks in a foundation and then when winter comes, expands, and turns it into rubble.
Don't get me wrong, he knows he has problems, this mania that takes him is a problem, but he also knows there is no one who can help him, no one but me. I am the only one. I feel really calm right now. It's like all the tension has leaked out of the house and now there is only this. I feel slack but awake as if this is the one true moment of my life, the one where I finally understand.
He is telling me that this is the ONE TRUE MOMENT.
Sometimes I don't know if what I'm thinking is just what he is telling me. I started out the day thinking he was leaving but now I see he wants me with him, forever. It's the only way.
I ask him, "What about the children finding us...? (I won't say the word, I am a coward, I can't say it. He's going to make me say it, if not in words with my cold body.) Won't that damage them forever?" and I see my mistake. My terrible mistake...now I am praying that he will get out this state. I'm imploring him to come to bed with me but he can see my agenda. I'm not really here for him. My last thoughts are not for him but for the children.
He hates conniving, faithless bitches like me.
