riotheclown

Number One:

OVER EATING!

We had our first "Fake Xmas Dinner".  The "Totally Fake Xmas Dinner" is in the Spring when we can get every one together in one place.

I made my version of Jamie Oliver's "Turkey Wellington". I could not find "puff pastry". I tortured several stock boys (I am a sexist when it comes to grocery stock jocks, I always let the girls flee) and still they could not tell me where it was to be found, so I had to settle with frozen pie shells. They did reluctantly confess as to where the dried Porcini mushrooms were and yet I had to torture NOT ONE, but THREE of them to finally zero in on the treasure. It seems the SUPER GROCERY STORE GODS only allow their minions sections of the map to the golden fleece and such...





The turkey breast had a bone in it so I had to de-bone it myself and that meant it wasn't all nice and neat like the one Jamie had to stuff with cranberry sauce. I used lots of skewers. Then I decided I could not use the mushrooms inside as some do not like them and in fact are loathe to eat them, so I used mashed potatoes. Yes there was bacon but that was a secret because for no particular reason (not religious I checked)some no longer eat it, even though they love the taste... Am I evil or what?

The whole thing came together some how. Daughter brought groceries, and made gravy and traditional stuffing, mashed potatoes. We had roasted cauliflower too and then son-in-law noticed, "Hey we are eating all white tonight". I did serve individual ramekins of mac n cheese, which I learned from a rap song on the Xmas compilation CD, is traditional African American Xmas food when served with "Collard Greens" which I did not serve. **sad face icon** Young son said, "I'm not white" and no one argued with him.

The long and short of it is, I have been stuffing myself with left overs. STUFFING MYSELF TO THE GILLS. It has caused me to sleep and sleep which is great because one of the symptoms of S.A.D. is not being able to sleep properly. So I am making a note to self: replace clothes with stretch fabrics and pants with draw strings.

http://youtu.be/foA0MGUbYH0

This is my kind of cooking. 

I wish my friend Sally was around to watch this. She was a master chef and would have agreed, as well as laughed her ass off!

I hate turkey but for those of you who intend to cook one this xmas enjoy!

I made up the name, but they assure me that it was good life, well up until the last bit... in truth the turkey's name was 190.  I only do this every two years or so.  As long as the Irish butcher is still alive I suppose I can get out there, GOD'S COUNTRY, or deepest darkest Scarberia, depending on how you look at it.